I really don't like you
by NadezhdaSt
Summary: Oneshot.My second contemplative Renee fic.Takes place any time between the Vegas episode and Locard's exchange.


**Disclaimer: Renee's not mine, if she were she'd be a major character in the show. :)**

**A/N: Baby's whole name's Marie Rhiannon, but Renee never calls her that. This is my vision of the baby's name and personality and you'll be seeing Rhia again if I do manage to pull myself together to write down and develop my two other fic ideas. This fic is dedicated to _garretelliot_ for inspiring me to give fanfiction a try, _my sis_ for constantly kicking me to write my fic ideas down and _Mel_ or_ ReneeForever_ just because she's such a good friend and a fellow Renee fan. **

Renee was drifting off to sleep when the sound of her baby's cries woke her up. She sighed almost inaudibly and opened her eyes. She had had a tiring day at work and all she wanted to do now was sleep. But her daughter needed her and her daughter came first, so she got out of bed hastily and went to the baby's crib to see what the matter was. Taking the little one in her arms she began gently rocking her in an attempt to calm her down. "What's wrong, Rhia? Having trouble sleeping again? You can't be hungry, I just fed you.", Renee cooed. Rhia just looked up at her with her big brown eyes and stopped crying. As she watched her daughter cuddle in her arms and drift off to sleep, the DA couldn't help smiling. It was still new to her-having someone to rely on her for everything and love her unconditionally-but she was adjusting to this swimmingly. She loved her daughter and was delighted by the signs that her daughter obviously loved her back. Rhia was not a difficult baby. Her only peculiarity was that she did not want to fall asleep on her own. She wanted her mother to cuddle her until she drifted off and remain that way at least for a little while, and then she could be put in her crib dreaming and pacified.

Renee cautiously sat down on the edge of her bed, the sleeping baby still in her arms. Rhia moved a little in her sleep, but remained otherwise undisturbed by her mother's movements. The mother in question, now fully awake, took to lovingly gazing at her daughter's little frame curled up against her chest. She could not imagine now how she had ever managed to live without the child in her arms. She could not imagine any kind of life without the now sleeping infant. Rhia had changed her life for the best. And to think she might never have got pregnant with her. It had pained her for years that she was unable to have children and then out of the blue-she was pregnant. She was surprised, but happy-she had always wanted a child. She had kept the baby sacrificing her relationship with Garret over it. But she could now say that breaking her own heart was worth it for it was the price she had to pay to have this little human being enter her life. Rhia had made her feel fulfilled, needed and loved. She had made her happy-something she could not really boast of being before. And when she had taken the baby in her arms for the first time and felt the connection between herself and the fragile infant, she had cried out of happiness, she had realized she could change.

She had never failed to see the way other people felt about her. If compelled to tell her the truth, they would have come up with an "I really don't like you." Just as Garret had summed it up. And she wouldn't have blamed them. She had not been looking for their approval then. She had kept everyone at an arm's length by her bitchy behaviour and made it clear she didn't want to make friends-she just wanted to see work done. She had adopted this behaviour as a way of pushing everyone away from her, so no one could get close to her and hurt her. She did not enjoy being alone, but by the time she started regretting having decided to take this course of action, it was too late. Her ice queen image had been already created and she couldn't bring herself to change her attitude-she was afraid she had lost the knack of аassociating with other people in a friendly way. So she had had no other option, but admit to herself that she was too cowardly to change and embrace loneliness for life. Then Garret had somehow managed to see through her mask and she had begun suspecting it was not too late to change. But he brought out not only the best, but also the worst in her and she could not make her mind. Rhia, however, brought out only the best in her. Rhia was the reason she had started acting like an ordinary human being, not like the evil DA she had been for so long. It was not easy and Renee still felt unsure about how well she was doing, but she kept trying no matter how hard it was, because she now believed that changing for the better was indeed possible. She owed it to Rhia. She wanted to be the best mother for her daughter, which meant she had to change. She did not want the little girl to grow up with the feeling that everybody hates her mother, so she had begun working on improving herself. This had taken everyone by surprise, but though still incredulous they were beginning to accept the new Renee and get used to her. She was hoping that soon she would start being nice constantly without feeling so awkward at times and that she would succeed in changing the "I really don't like you." message she was receiving at least to a neutral one. She did not dare hope they might actually start liking her-it would be too strange for her.

Rhia was now sleeping soundly which meant she had reached the stage when she could be safely put back in her crib. Renee gazed at her little treasure a little longer, then stood up slowly and carefully put her down in the crib. She gently tucked her in and leaned down to kiss her, softly whispering "Sleep tight, little one." Having made sure that Rhia was not waking up, she collapsed on her bed and buried herself under the blanket. She listened intently at Rhia's calm breathing then drifted off to sleep with a smile on her face.


End file.
